His side of the story:
"28th November 2015. That's when I met her. I attended a Singles Aroma dinner at Open Baptist Church. My aim was to eat and go home. I wasn't looking to meet anyone. So when I got there, I sat by myself... just minding my own business. After a while we had to register our names and say why we came or something like that. And she walked in with a group of other girls. The smile on her face... the beauty... my world paused for a bit. But I didn't want to get involved or meet anyone that day. Like I said, I was there for the good food and to pass time.
The event started. People were talking and eating, but I don't even remember what we were talking about. I didn't think about that girl for a bit. She was sitting on the other side of the courtyard. All of a sudden, the emcees had everyone stand up and meet some new people. I did, and I met a few people. Then they asked us to change tables, and I don't know how but I ended up right in front of that girl's table. I stopped... froze for a bit. I was wondering what I should do - should I sit or go to another table? While wrestling with my thoughts, she called out to me, "There is a chair here. You can come sit." I said to myself, "Oh boy! That's her!" So I manned up and took the chair.
I introduced myself to her and the to the girl on my other side. The two girls were friends. Sarah was on my right, and Kirstin was on my left. Imagine what it felt like, to sit next to the girl you like, having no idea if she likes you back. I was praying to God for strength.
While I was sitting between Sarah and Kirstin, there was a conversation about dating. I don’t really remember what it was about. We had a sidebar chat. We were talking amongst ourselves. We kind of, like, ignored the rest of the conversation.
Towards the end, it started raining and it was really late. I wanted to get her number but I didn’t know how to do it; I didn’t know how to ask. I was scared out of my mind. I actually left and then I came back and I was rehearsing what I would say. When I got there, she was packing up, and I said, “Can I be your friend on Facebook? Can you give me your Facebook name?” She wrote it down and I was like jumping inside. I was really happy. You should have seen my heart.
Her side of the story:
At the same time, the Lord had blessed me with an awesome single life. My deepest desire had always been to get married and have kids. In fact, my imaginary friends when I was little were actually my children, not peers like imaginary friends tend to be. Through the years, I rejoiced with friends as they married and started families, and we all joked that my husband must be lost somewhere. Those dear friends joined me in praying for him, wherever he may be. They cried out with me, asking God to give him a map and hurry up already. As I set off for life in Africa at 32, my friends joked that I might finally meet my husband, but I was totally and fully content on being single for a while longer.
One night in November, a big group of friends and I went to a singles dinner at Open Baptist Church at the request of some friends who work there. We got dressed up and took tons of photos and decided to have a blast, even though our collective experience with church singles events was, well, pretty terrible. I had my blinders on as we walked into the beautiful courtyard; I was there to have fun with friends. OBC had some of the only green grass in the city, and they had strung lights and paper lanterns across the courtyard. It was magical!
My friends and I sat strategically, sitting close enough to talk to one another but leaving space so that people would have to come sit with us. The plan initially back-fired, leaving all of the seats between us empty... but at least we could still enjoy each other's company. As things usually go in Botswana, the food wasn't ready until three hours after the dinner started. As we waited, the emcees forced us to mingle and meet new people. One of the games we played involved making animal sounds to find your animal partner. I really dislike being forced to act silly, but I went with it and ended up being grouped on a team with most of my friends and some new people I hadn't met. We were asked to answer some questions as a team, or something. As I joined the conversation, I kept seeing this guy turning around out of the corner of my eye. I thought, 'Man, he must really wanna get out of here. He keeps looking at the door.'
Then the emcees told us to sit with our teams, so our table returned to our seats and waited for the rest of the team to come join us. I think most of our other friends who had been sitting near me, came back, too. The rest of the team started to fill in the empty spaces (just like we planned!), and I offered an empty seat next to me to a guy who still needed a seat. It was the guy who kept turning to look toward the door earlier. He introduced himself as Adam, the first Adam I had met in Botswana. We talked about ministry, and his excitement for evangelism was refreshing. His vision for serving the Lord was awesome. At one point - probably the only time it ever happened the entire year - I was freezing. I hadn't brought a sweater because, c'mon, it's Botswana in the summertime. I tried to use the tablecloth as a blanket. Then Adam rubbed his hands together and placed them on my shoulders and arms. The friction warmed me up, and the creativity got my attention. I was impressed. And warmer! Conversation continued at the table well into the night... It was at least midnight when the content for the evening ended. The guy next to me, Adam, disappeared as my friends and I started to help clear our plates.
And then, suddenly, he was next to me, asking me for my Facebook name. I wasn't sure about it, but I like to make new friends, so I gave it to him.
THE BEGINNING
His side of the story:
When I got home from the singles dinner, I tried to find her on Facebook right away, but I mistyped her name. And I couldn’t find her. I thought “Woah. She gave me a wrong name!” My brother Jahni tried it, and he found her. I sent her a message saying hi. After a while, she replied. She said the message was hidden and she hadn’t seen it.
I kept trying to throw some pick-up lines every time I messaged her. One time, she responded and said, “That sounds like a cheesy pick-up line.” And I was like… “Oh! She caught me.” I asked her out on a date and she said she wasn’t allowed to date while she was in Botswana.
She invited me to a Christmas party, and I was just quiet and in a corner, trying to figure out how to get to know her. Everyone else was dancing, but I was shy. I actually left before the party was over. I didn’t want to do anything to lose her, so I left early.
We talked for a while. She had a lot of questions, so we met up at Mugg and Bean for coffee one day. I don’t drink coffee. But she likes coffee, so I ordered one. And it was terrible! It was strong, and I fought my way through it. We talked a lot. She was smiling, and I was smiling, and I couldn’t shut up. She asked a lot of questions. She and Sarah offered me a ride, and I was going in that direction, but I refused because I just needed a few minutes to regroup. We said goodbye, and I brushed her hair out of her face when the wind blew. She was so beautiful.
Her friends went on a bunch of fun adventures during a week off in January, and they invited me to join them. We went to the botanical garden and the Botswana Defense Force Camp zoo and on a game drive at Mokolodi and David Livingstone's place. At the zoo, we were standing next to each other and they put a big snake around us. Kirstin was so scared that she squeezed my hand like she was holding on for dear life. Everyone else ran away. On the game drive at Mokolodi, we hit a big bump, so I grabbed her shoulder to keep her safe. It was just like an accident. I didn't mean to. We got to see some giraffes, and then we ate some food, and they drove me home to Kumakwane. At David Livingstone's place, she got a big thorn in the side of her ankle, and I helped her get it out. It was bad, and it left a scar. The next week she left for a trip to Europe and then I left on my Trek (mission trip).
I was gone on Trek for three months. I was only allowed to use internet once a week, and I used it to talk to her. I found a way to buy a sim card so I could talk to her more. A couple of guys on my team, Flo and Joy Josh, knew that I was talking to her. Sorry for ratting you out, guys! We were really far from each other, but we got really close while I was away. We really got to know each other. We talked about everything, and she asked a lot of questions. At the end of the three months of my Trek, I felt like I had already known her for a long time. I knew that I wanted to marry her no matter what.
I returned to Botswana one week before she left to move back to the States. We got to hang out a bit. My laptop was actually stolen out of her car that week! I shared my whole life story with her, including the really dark and hard things. I was really afraid that I would lose her when I shared everything. But she was really warm and showed me God’s love. We celebrated her birthday early because she was leaving before it came. I gave her a promise ring and told her I promise to love her and I will wait for her no matter how long it takes. A big group of us learned how to swing dance, which is one of her favorite things. And then they made us watch a movie sitting outside because she loves that, but it was so cold. Everyone was under blankets. It was one of the best days of my life!
Her side of the story:
He apparently messaged me that night after the dinner, but it went into the hidden inbox because I hadn't yet accepted his friend request. When I finally saw it, I felt so rude!
Right after the dinner, he asked if he could see me again, and I... well, I freaked out. I didn't know anything about him, and there is a strict no dating policy for people serving in the one year program in which I was serving. So I invited him to a youth ministry training I was coordinating the following weekend. I needed to feel this guy out. After the training, which in my opinion did not go well, he asked me out on a date. I said no. He wasn't deterred, though.
We texted a bit, and my roommates and I invited him to join all of the fun things our friend group was doing - movies, game nights, a Christmas party, a New Year's Eve event hosted by friends from another ministry... And the thing is, he came to all of them. He knew that I couldn't date but he was willing to wait. He answered all of my questions and patiently earned my trust through friendship. Then, after an extra fun week full of adventures including an army zoo and David Livingstone's homestead, he left for three months of ministry. My dear friend and coworker, Mpho, helped me navigate some cultural things and encouraged me to keep moving forward with him even though I kept freaking out. She prayed for me and laughed at me often. It was so fun to walk through that season full of butterflies with her and my roommates, Steph and Sarah!
He could only use his phone one day a week, as per his ministry's policy, and he took time during that one day a week to chat with me. We got to know each other as friends from a distance, and then he returned to Botswana my last week in country.
I was a hot mess that week. My little sister was going through a crisis, and my heart was breaking at the thought of leaving Botswana. Adam and I had some really hard, honest conversations that week, which made the week even more emotionally taxing. Some of the things he shared were really painful, and I wanted to run away like I always do. But I felt the Lord leading me to step out in faith and trust Him (something that does not come easily for me). He reminded me that though the consequesnces of Adam's sin would be painful for me, his sin was no worse than mine. I experienced the Gospel in a new way as I wrestled with the things he had shared. We eventually decided we would give it a go after I left the country, but I was still a bit fearful.
He came to my birthday party (which my sweet teammates planned in a hurry when we realized I wouldn't be there for my actual birthday). Shout out to Steph and Sarah, who made my favorite things happen that night: swing dancing, sweets, and a "drive-in" movie outside the office. It was freezing, and it's nearly impossible to swing dance in a dirt courtyard, but I felt so known and loved!
Adam and his brother, Jahni, were part of the huge group of dear friends who came to the airport to see me off. I cried so hard as I left the arms of my friends to walk the tarmac to the plane. Even though I had tentative plans to return in August, it felt like I was leaving my heart behind. As soon as my plane left the ground, Adam made it Facebook Official, something that still makes me laugh."
DATING
Her side of the story:
For the first five months of our dating relationship, his internet was spotty and unreliable. We depended on WhatsApp SMS. It was really hard, but it forced us to really get to know each other well. All we could do was ask questions and wait for replies. It was clearly God's goodness as we each worked through some really big issues. When Adam left for the UK in October 2016, we could finally video chat regularly. In December, he started to pursue my dad and stepdad to have "The Conversation" and ask for their blessing. We had no idea what the Lord would have in store for us, or how long we would have to wait to be together, but we were both certain that being together for the rest of our lives was completely worth the wait.
When I went to Nottingham to visit Adam and his family in January 2017, I was convinced that he was not going to propose. I had already cried about it and gave it to the Lord and decided not to let my disappointment ruin our time together. Nine months after we started dating, we went on our first real-live date! The whole week was awesome. We spent time with his family and ate a lot of great food and explored England together. Just as I had prayed, we got to experience fun things but also normal, mundane things together. And we had plenty of opportunities for conflict, for which I had also (secretly) prayed.
